Why Motorcyles Suck

You know, living in Florida, I see motorcycles all the time. And while I like the aspect of the machines themselves, I can't stand them. If it weren't for my belief in freedom, I'd say we outlaw them altogether. Here's why they make me so mad:
First off, let's get something straight: they're unsafe. Period. You can't deny it, and for all the talk of "I'm actually a good rider", you're full of shit. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I hear it all the time: "Only the crappy riders get hurt or killed...or it's not their fault." Yep. Bruce Rossmeier, one of the finest people to ever do any charity work in this are, was a bad rider, according to this logic. My friend Sean was also a bad rider. But let's be realistic. Accidents happen...and sometimes they're just accidental. But the difference is that had Bruce or my friend Sean been in cars, they'd be here to tell you all about what happened. Instead, they're both dead. The human body just can't take impacts at speeds like that, no matter what helmets or leather jackets you wear. That's just a fact, and denying it makes you not only stupid, but recklessly so. And no, this isn't an attitude because my friend died...he and I weren't super close, and hadn't spoken in over a decade when he was killed. He was driving down the road, at the speed limit, totally normally...and some old man pulled out in front of him to turn left, suddenly...in a van. Bruce Rossmeier was in a group passing an RV...and ended up getting clipped, because he was at the back of the group. Neither was doing anything unsafe, reckless or even out of the ordinary...but had either one been in a car, there's no doubt in anyone's mind they'd still be alive.
Next, let me say this: most of them drive like idiots. I'm sure the fans of motorcycles will cry foul now, saying that it's not "most" of them, just "some" of them. You must be right, and I must be wrong...because I'm so unobservant. There's no way possible I could be correct, right? Wrong. Statistics will back me up, because in most cases of motorcycle accidents, the drivers of the motorcycles are at fault. The ones on the bigger Harleys aren't as bad as the ones on the crotch rockets...but don't leave either group out completely, not by a LONG shot.
So here's the part that really gets me pissed: they all ride around like they're in charge of the road. Like I'm supposed to say, "Wow...what a cool guy. What a bad ass. I'd better not mess with him. He's so damned cool because he's so risky." Well, here's what I say: you're subject to the same rules of the road as me, and you can blow all that "cool" and false bravado that seems to be overcompensating for something you're lacking straight out your ass!
And here's the part that gets me even more hot: when people suggest, through bumper stickers, etc., that I'M the one who needs to "watch out for motorcycles". Believe me...I watch out for any reckless assholes, whether they're on motorcycles, bicycles, in trucks or in cars. Just because you're too stupid to not take such a needless risk with your life doesn't make it incumbent on me to be the only one to pay attention to what's going on around us on the road. It's so damned condescending. I mean, really...think about it. How many bumper stickers do you see that say, "Motorcycle riders: be careful and watch out for cars."? None. These guys run around from lane to lane, travel WAY too close at high speeds, don't use turn signals and go way beyond the posted speed limits...but I'M the one who needs to watch out for THEM? Screw you! They're the ones on the unsafe vehicles...they're the ones who can't drive safely for shit...THEY need to watch out for ME. I'll be easy to spot. I'm the guy who doesn't exceed the speed limit, doesn't change lanes without looking, uses my turn signals and otherwise OBEYS THE TRAFFIC LAWS.
Everyone needs to realize - no matter what they drive - that a turn signal does NOT give you some inalienable right to change lanes. "Well, I had my turn signal on." Tough shit...you STILL have to yield to the traffic in the lane you're moving into. But when you're on a motorcycle and do this, you're just rolling the dice with your life. And to me, that's stupid.
But I agree with legalizing drugs. I also agree with motorcycles being allowed on the roads. I say, "Thin the herd." It's just natural selection. If you want to be that reckless, go for it. Overdose. Wreck. I hope you don't...but if that's your inevitable end, so be it. But either way, don't sit there and think that it's MY fault because YOU can't make proper decisions on the road. As soon as a motorcycle accident with another vehicle occurs, motorcycle riders automatically default to how it was the driver of the other vehicle's fault. Then, when you tell them, "Actually, no...it wasn't. Here's what happened...", and they realize it was the rider's fault, they then automatically say, "That wouldn't have happened to me...I'm a good rider." If that's not the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard, I don't know what is. They just think that they're infallible.
Well, here's a few tips for YOU, motorcyclists. And let me clarify - this isn't the case with each and every one of them...but it's the case with the vast majority I've been around, and that's quite a few, given my location and culture. But since it's YOU that chooses to be on the road in a machine that, when hit, is nearly guaranteed to cause serious injury or death, then it seems to me that YOU need to do a few things to try and prevent that from happening. Instead of always telling the rest of us "how it is", shut the hell up and listen, you egotistical worms...for once.

1. Traffic lanes are designed for ONE vehicle per lane, going from left to right. In other words: stay out of the area between the cars, outside the cars, or even in the same lane as the cars. Period. I don't care if we're stopped at a light, or on the interstate. You're still in violation of the law, and you deserve to be flogged each time you do it.
2. That being said, SLOW DOWN, ASSHOLE! Just because you CAN go 130, doesn't mean you're ALLOWED to. Again, it's more ego...and that goes for all of you who drive like bats out of hell. We ALL want to get where we're going...your destination is the ONLY important one, right? What's going on in YOUR life absolutely MUST trump what's going on in anyone else's on the road, right? Get over yourselves, and start looking into that time-tested virtue: PATIENCE.
3. If you can't use a turn signal, you aren't smart enough to be allowed on our roads. Please make that EXACT statement to the police officer you hand your license over to for revocation...TODAY. Just go do it. Enough said on that one.
4. Wear a helmet. No, I DON'T give a shit that the law says you don't have to. You know why that law exists? Because someone like me said the same thing I did: screw them. If they want to be stupid, let them. Before you know it, they'll be dead and gone, and then the people of worthwhile character can continue on. I won't go into statistics about head impacts, etc. You won't understand them. But I'll say two more things about it: Firstly, this goes for seat belts, too. Read the damned paper. When there's an accident with a fatality, 99.9% of the time, it says that they "weren't wearing their seatbelts". Secondly, alluding to that head impact information, let me say that just because your skull is so thick, it doesn't make you immune. So just wise up and wear a helmet. "I can't see as well." Yeah? Well, slow the hell down like I said, and it's not so tough to see what's going on, is it? I'll guarantee you that you'll see a LOT less when you're dead.
5. Don't ride so close to other vehicles. Same rule as they have...though if you hit someone from behind, you'll fare a LOT worse than the guy in the car will. You'll fly over the car you hit...or into it. So keep a distance. And if they get too close to you, get the hell away from THAT asshole, too.

In short, this "season", I'd like to see the riders start taking responsibility for themselves...for their own actions, their own choices and their own safety. I'm sure there's a huge group out there that does so...but they're not very well exposed, if that's the case. And whatever you do, stop telling ME what to do because YOU choose to ride a motorcycle. When the trends I've talked about even start to reverse a tiny bit - and I wouldn't hold my breath - then fine...you can blame us. But while so many of your people are so blatantly reckless, ignorant, unsafe and with such an unmitigated gall about the whole damned thing, shut the hell up.

[Sorry if this offends anyone, but I have some people who I'd love to have back me up on this: Bruce, Margaret, Billy, Sean, Tommy...but they can't. They're all dead...and all were on motorcycles. Oh, and I can't ever forget Lorrie. That was the name of the woman who died in my arms in Daytona when I arrived on the scene of an accident and tried to use my first aid training (was certified) to save her. It was too late when I got there, and I was 20 years old. She was on a motorcycle with a guy driving it, and he tried to beat a red light...he didn't. The driver of the car was unhurt. The driver of the motorcycle was banged up, but would survive. His wife, Lorrie, wasn't so lucky. She was thrown so far, and at such a high speed, that there's no way her body would survive the impact. The clincher? He wasn't going but 5 miles over the speed limit, which was 55. In a car, she'd be alive, and I wouldn't have the memory of her blood all over me as she breathed her last. To the non-riders, I say: you need to be careful for yourself, too. Be smart. To the riders, I say: that goes triple - QUADRUPLE - for you...because you never know which day is your last.]