Atheism

I figured I'd start with something light, fun and non-controversial. No sense ruffling any feathers, right? After all, who wants to create enemies? Not me. Never. No way.
So, I'll give some background on my authority to speak on this issue, as I go. My authority really stems from the Bill of Rights, in this case...but as the great George Carlin said, we don't have rights...we have privileges. Anyway...I was raised Catholic. I was baptized as an infant in the early 1970's, had my first confession, first communion, confirmation...the whole kit and kaboodle. I didn't become a true, realized atheist until I was somewhere around 25 years old. As I detail my personal history with religion, I'll confront several issues along the way, then get to my conclusions on it. It's easier that way, I think.
As far back as I can recall, I had a feeling...a feeling that I was somehow meant to do something bigger than just the normal 9-5 job, wife, 2.3 kids, dog, cat, hamster, fish and economy car. That's how I felt. It was a...well, a destiny is what it felt like. At 5 years old, I was saying the Catholic Mass at home...my own little version...but to me, that was performance art. I played the songs with a guitar - horribly, I'm sure - and it was cute. I had grape juice for wine, bread for the communion, etc. My little brothers were the altar boys. It was adorable, I'm sure. I remember doing it, still. I remember it vaguely, around 1976, Ft. Lauderdale, living in a duplex on 8th Ave. I think it stemmed largely from the fact that I like performing. I like entertaining. And to that point, the only live performance I'd ever really seen was the Catholic Mass. I didn't realize what it was that made me like it so much at the time...but later, I figured it out. At the time, I thought it was the Holy Spirit...the presence of God. Later, I realized it was nothing more than being awestruck at the fact that when that priest spoke, people listened. They were enraptured. In fact, if I so much as whispered something, it was wrong to do. No doubt about it...this guy had "it". And I wanted to have "it", too. I wanted people to pay attention to me...and not just one person at a time...everyone. It was THIS premise, deeply embedded in my conscience, that really has been the singlemost motivating factor in my life, however I've tried to hold it down, however completely misdirected it may have been. I love to entertain. I love to make large groups of people laugh, think, feel. It's just how I'm wired, I guess.
As time went on, I became very involved with the church...largely because my parents were. They were involved in a couple of Catholic groups called Engaged Encounter and Marriage Encounter. They were both lectors, the people who read the reading at the Mass. My dad was on the parish council. He was in the Knights of Columbus, too. It was a huge part of all our lives. My brothers and I were altar boys, charter members of the Columbian Squires group - sort of a junior K of C - that we started at our church, and I was even a lector as a young teen. I won't say I was the first at our church, because that title goes to a girl named Anne Marie Brain, who was a couple of years older than me. Wonderful, intelligent person, whose mother passed away from cancer just a year or two ago, unfortunately. Her mother, Nilda, was a lector, too. And they were big influences on me, too...so I wanted to mention them. I went through confirmation classes, was confirmed and was a real Catholic then, by my thinking. And all the time, I'd always thought how cool it would be to be a priest. I mean, hell...I wasn't that big a hit with the ladies. Until 9th grade, I'd only "gone with" 4 girls. In 9th grade, I "went with" a bunch...but I think the longest one lasted about 7 weeks. So, during that year, I had an opportunity to go to a seminary high school, way up in Pennsylvania. I made a couple of trips to visit the place, and the whole idea was great. I'd be at a boarding school...I'd get to go to a seminary afterwards...I'd become a priest.
It always nagged at my mind that I might want to think about the whole celebacy thing a bit more, but I went to the school anyway. It was run by an order called The Redemptorists, also known as Liguorians, because their patron saint was St. Alphonsus Liguori. The school itself, St. Mary's in North East, PA, was beautiful. I still have pictures of the chapel. The student body was only about 31 people, grades 9th-12th. There were 3 juniors. I was in the biggest class, the sophomores...there were 10 of us. My time there was very tumultuous, though. I didn't do well in schoolwork, because I didn't like doing things that I didn't like. More on that in another post. But I was hazed, teased and practically tortured, because I was new. I wasn't the only one...but that made me homesick. And eventually, the bad schoolwork chickens came home to roost, and I was put into an ultimatum: either shape up or ship out. I opted to go home, and after half a school year, I was back in DeLand, FL, where I grew up.
I learned a LOT there, though. I learned about a lot of the hypocrisy of the church, though not in its doctrine...not yet. I thought to myself, "Wow...if these guys are going on to be priests, why were they so mean?" It bothered me. There was one guy who was very obviously gay, in everyone's opinion...and maybe he wasn't. But wasn't that against the church's doctrine? I left there a bit confused, and realizing that maybe the priesthood wasn't for me. Puberty won out, and that desire to be a priest left me. Also, that school is where I really, really got into - get ready - heavy metal music. Nearly everyone there loved it. And I loved it more than all of them put together. I still do, of course. But I also wondered...if I'm not a bad person, and people who listen to metal are, how did I get into it with these good people? Then I realized I'd wondered if they were good at all already...and it got more confusing from there.
The most valuable lesson I learned from that place is that you can't let anyone tell you what's right or wrong, once you get to a certain point in your life. I had become aware. I was aware of myself, my feelings, my wants, my needs...I was just aware of everything...at once. And that was tough, too. But I'm glad I learned that, because I started making decisions that were the right - or wrong - ones because I knew to make those decisions...not because I depended on anyone else to make them for me, be they parents, church, school, friends or anyone else.
By the time I'd gotten to be 22, gotten out of the Army Reserve and basically reached the point of, "Here it is...the rest of your life begins...now!", I really got to thinking about all the stuff I'd gone through in my life. And I came to some pretty firm realizations that I still hold true today, and that I feel are irrefutable. I took a World Religion class in college, and that really sealed the deal. I was about 25, as I mentioned earlier. Our teacher never told us if he had a religion at all, much less what it was. He just knew about all of them. It was a great class, and I won't ever forget that guy, Jeff Birch.
Here are some things I hold to be true:
1. I was Catholic because someone chose for me. I was baptized before I could choose. That's the nature of it. Then they fill your head with the doctrine and belief system, and as you're a teenager - right when you are spinning in a million directions, but know you need to right the ship - ask you to make an informed, adult decision on what you want to be for the rest of your life. Saying no would have been absolutely disastrous, I'm sure. But it never crossed my mind. They tell you it's a decision you have to make, and you alone...but you don't ever consider it. You already know. And you know because you don't know anything else.
2. I wanted to be a priest because I wanted to perform. After I got into music, guess what? I wanted to be a metal singer...even more than I'd wanted to be a priest. Two almost dichotomous professions, at the time...but that made me realize that I just wanted to be important, remembered, famous...something bigger than what looked like lay before me if I didn't do this. I also wanted to get laid, though...so the priesthood was out.
3. No religion is "right" or "wrong". If you believe in some higher power that's all-knowing, all-seeing and all-loving, whyever would it be a matter of right or wrong? I made the statement in my World Religion class one time, which was in Jacksonville, FL, where I went to college: "If all of us in the room want to meet downtown at a certain place, at a certain time, and we all live in different areas - Baymeadows, the West Side, the Beaches - does it matter what road we take to that place? I mean, should we all take the long way around to ALL come in on the Arlington Expressway? No. As long as we get to the same place on time, who cares how we got there?"
4. To expound on that point, your religion is your business. No one else's. Your lack thereof? Same thing.

We live in a world with all the technological advances and learning that we have, but still, as of 2005, about 86% of people in the world still believe in some kind of god or higher power that is a product of adherence to a specific religion. Of the remaining percentage, a bunch are agnostic...they believe something exists, but aren't sure what it is.
Well, here's the truth: there is no such thing as a god. There are no magics, mysticisms, spiritualities, ghosts, invisible men, higher powers or anything else even close. There's us, this planet and the other animals and plants on it. Period.
Why does religion exist? Because in the early days of civilization, it answered the great question: why? Why does that ball of fire sit in the sky, and move across it every day? Because it's Apollo, riding his chariot. The list like that goes on and on. Note that that's mythology now, not religion. Silly Greeks and Romans...they believed in gods! No, it's God, singular. Just one. Sort of made it easier.
And when opportunity knocks, the church answers. Why does the church have all the power it has in today's world? Simple. Let's go back to medieval times. King Henry in England. He didn't like that there was another ruler, the Pope, telling him what to do. If you watch The Tudors on Showtime (Great show, by the way!), you can see that Anne Boleyn is a LOT hotter than Catherine was. So the only way to really freely bang her and not have an unhappy church was to make his own church...so he did. But why was the church important? Because the King was God's chosen man to rule England. And not only could you tax, you could tithe...and double-dipping got you rich. And there you have it...power was created because people didn't have the technology and intelligence to realize that there was no God...just a bunch of people in power who wanted to stay there.
For many centuries, it's been considered "bad" to be an atheist. More often than not, I'm confused with a Satanist. I mean, heck...if you don't believe in God, you must believe in the other side, right? Well, I do listen to metal...and some of it's very Satanically-themed...but I don't believe in that, either. No magic, no mysticism...none of it. Satan is a character from the Bible. Belief in his existence would be to admit belief in God, too. So I don't believe in either one. My dad once said a quote that I love: "The Bible is a collection of myths, legends and stories, about Abraham and his descendants." Awesome stuff. And that pretty much sums it up. Sure, that idiotic creation story came first, but whatever. People, be realistic: none of that bullshit happened. It just didn't. There are no miracles...maybe a parlor trick or something got mistaken, but there's no miracles. Sure, there was a guy named Jesus, most likely...and lots of people may have thought he was God...but he was a guy. He didn't rise from the dead or any of that crap. Virgin birth? Wow. You know, I think that a bunch of circumstances - started by the coverup of Mary's indiscretions - lent to the whole thing...IF it really happened at all! Either way, the Bible was written - the New Testament, anyway - hundreds of years AFTER it allegedly happened. It was word of mouth before that...but I'm sure it's really accurate. And then the King James version...wow. Remember when I talked about church and state being one? Well, why not rewrite the Bible! You should give 10% of your money to the church...which was the state...in addition to taxes. You think that wasn't thrown in? You're crazy if you do.

So, all that said...guess what? I'm actually a decent guy. I don't hate my parents. Nor do I blame them for anything. We get along great. They woke up a bit, too. They're no longer really Catholic, that's for sure. But they're more agnostic. My dad's been in AA for over 22 years, and that's part of it: belief in a higher power. OK...whatever. I don't buy it, but hey...whatever gets you through your day, go for it. And that's how I feel about all your religions and beliefs: it's YOUR business. If you ask me, sure...I think it's horseshit, and you've been had. But I wouldn't take away your right to believe it - wait...your privilege to believe in it. That's your business. Once, at a concert I went to, my dad picked me up. It was Whitesnake, and there were actually protestors. We knocked down and broke their huge wooden cross, and it was a blast. They were fundamentalists, and that's bad in ANY form, religion or not. I'll get to that in a minute...but anyway, there was this guy harassing some kid, and my dad stepped in. He was still very involved with the church, and very Catholic...although I think he'd been questioning it some to that point. Not sure, you'd have to ask him. But he told the guy to leave the kid alone, and a discussion ensued. The guy asked my dad if he had a "personal relationship with Christ". And my dad said, "If I do, it's just that: personal...and therefore, none of your fucking business." My dad has a few good ones throughout the years...and there's another one. I've lived by it from that day on. I don't hate Catholics or any other religions, either. I think they're stupid...but I don't hate them. I think pop music is stupid...but I don't wish death upon everyone who likes it. I just think they're silly, that's all.
Back to fundamentalism. The Bible has so many contradictions that it's insane. It's written by so many people, passed down in so many ways...it's nutty. And for someone to hang on every word of it is ludicrous. Also, it was written hundreds of years ago. People: it's obsolete. If you can't see that, you're fooling yourself.
BUT...remember me saying I'm a decent guy? Well, I am. I do unto others as I'd have them do unto me. I believe in helping my fellow man. I believe in a LOT of the basic tenets of the Bible. It's a fairy tale...there is no God. But the general message - not the facts, the literal interpretation of every word or the Word of God bullshit - is absolutely, 100% relevant and wonderful. It says, "Hey...don't be an asshole. If you can help people, do it. If you can do the right thing, do it." Isn't that how a species survives? Don't we have to all do it together to make it? I think so. People are criticizing Obama a lot because his economic views are bordering on socialism. They don't want socialized medicine, either. Why? Because if it's not "us", it's not right. Same with their religion. Hey, folks: shut the fuck up. Stop with all your bullshit. Let's do something new...because what we've done so far has gotten us here...and we're in a bit of a mess in this country...on this planet, really. Your racism, persecution, utter disdain for anything different and short-sightedness will get us NOWHERE. "But Adam, socialized medicine doesn't work...look at the countries that have it." Bullshit. It works fine...better than the crap we have here, anyway. And who says we have to wholly adopt their system? Why not some sort of thing that, I don't know...we design? We invented democracy...but we can't invent anything else? Once we wrote our Constitution, that was it? We're stuck with it? Sure we are...just like the stupid ass Bible.
I, for one, try to do the right thing. I try to be good to people. I try to help people - and animals, since I was a veterinary technician - whenever I can. I'm a good person. The only difference between me - the atheist - and any person believing in God is the REASON we allegedly are good people. And I think ANYONE can see that just believing in a higher power doesn't make you "good". If you think it does, you REALLY need to open a fucking newspaper once in a while. Look around, asshole...the Middle East is an absolute hellhole, and it's ALL because of you and your gods. I am a good person because I'm a human being, and I'm a part of this species...and I want it to survive and thrive. That's just plain biological instinct. I don't need some divine reason, or pretty notion as to why I do it. I just do it.
Muslims aren't bad people. Fundamentalist Muslims can be. But so can fundamentalist Christians...and any other religion, I'm sure. Anybody remember the Crusades? Shinto? Read a fucking book...religion is a bad thing. It's based on antiquated, outdated reasoning, and it's long past time that this world realizes that we're all in this together...and that's the only reason why we should be doing things to improve our planet.
I'll end with a quote that's mine, from years back. I've posted it in a few places, and even explained it before, but I'll do it again: there is no higher power than myself. I never said it to be egotistical, either. It means that I don't do things because I think it'll make some invisible man happy. I do things because I know they're right. I also don't make mistakes and say, "Well, gee...guess that's God's will!" Nor do I look at the mistakes of others and think that. I don't think that "everything happens for a reason", or that things all happen as part of "God's plan". I don't feel a need to have some finite, resolute explanation of why things happen. I'm smart enough to see that so many things are going on in so many places at so many times, that coincidences can - and more often than not, DO - happen. It means that the buck stops here. I don't blame anyone for my shortcomings, and I sure as hell don't credit anyone else with my successes.
I still have a Bible. I find it to be a good work of fiction, considering when it was written. I don't read it, though. I don't like rereading books unless I forget things in them that I want to remember. I've read it enough. I'd rather reread some Eddings or something. But moreover, I don't have time to reread yet...because I'm still reading. I'm still learning, exploring and finding things out about the world and all its wonders. I'm not hung up in the past. I love history...but I don't live in it. I'm in the here and now. I also still have a rosary. A beautiful piece, it's sterling silver, with hematite beads. I bought it at a church once, for $60...and I was already an atheist. I bought it because it's very nice, and great reminder for me that I once was blind, but now I see. Funny...to take a line from that song, and turn it on the intended meaning. But yeah...I see how it all works. There isn't a god, and religion is absolutely ludicrous. But it keeps some people in line. I suppose all the stupid people need religion...because they can't understand anything but, "Look...you can't kill people or you'll burn in Hell. Forever. You want that?"
Anyway...that's my first blog. I'm sure it's not too well-written. I tend to go off on rants and such. But I wanted to start with the least controversial, easiest-to-write thing I could, to sort of get into the groove of this whole blog thing. I like writing. So what the hell? I doubt anyone will ever read it. It's not my Manifesto on Higher Powers...but has some of the thoughts from it. I think I'll write about my school experiences next. Something along those lines.